A scattered, hard to follow post

I've been quite apprehensive about writing on this thing lately because I don't want people to only hear my down days but goodness... That's when I need to write. I hope you know, dear reader, my life isn't horrible and I do have positive days and even my down days are better than they once were. 

Sunday we sang a song at church and I honestly don't know that I'll ever be able to sing it with dry eyes again. It starts like this...

"Bless the Lord, O my soul

O my soul

Worship His holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning

It's time to sing Your song again

Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me

Let me be singing when the evening comes"

The part where I start crying is "whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me... Let me be singing when the evening comes"

 I used to so easily sing this song. Not that I sang it without thinking about what it meant but it was definitely easy to sing at that time. I still sing it but now I'm painfully aware that sometimes "whatever may pass and whatever lies before me" is not something I'm excited to be going through. 

It's so hard to know sometimes, why you're going through the trials that you are. Life wants so much to drag you down. 

But then the next line of the song pops up...

"You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger

Your name is great, and Your heart is kind

For all Your goodness I will keep on singing

Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find"

And it's true, I KNOW there are so many reasons to be thankful. He is good, He does have a plan even if I can't see it right now. But sometimes even though I KNOW it, it's hard to FEEL it.

I'm not an optimistic person. it's a battle I have to fight, to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And some days (like today) I feel like I'm losing the battle. 

There will be trials in this life, that is a guarantee, sometimes they feel like more than we can handle.

 Then the song ends...

"And on that day when my strength is failing

The end draws near and my time has come

Still my soul will sing Your praise unending

Ten thousand years and then forevermore...

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship Your holy name

Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name

I'll worship Your holy name"