No longer can I look joyfully at a newborn baby. No longer am I able to be excited about pregnancy announcements. No longer can I listen to people spew out the "norm" for pregnancy/labor/birth. Because the truth is... It doesn't always happen that way. The labor and delivery floor doesn't ALWAYS house the labor pains that are "worth the pain". I can pretty much assume that no still birth mama thinks the pain is worth it. It's a horrible time. (Though looking back (and even to some extent, during it) I can see beauty in it). It's a terrifying, confusing, heart wrenching time.. To be on a labor and delivery floor knowing there are many other families in the rooms next door welcoming living babies. Knowing the nursery is full of crying/breathing babies. And yet here you sit with you're heart breaking more and more every contraction, every moment you come closer to holding your lifeless baby. Be mindful of those mommas...
I know I was guilty of it too. Before it happened to me I never thought "there might be a mom laboring to give birth to a baby that's already in heaven". I do now. I always will.
Some are not as fortunate as others.
Some never will be.
Some will forever be, tainted.
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