Monday, January 26, 2015

come as you are (David Crowder)

On the way home tonight I was listening to the new Crowder cd (well, new to me). Come as You are is a very emotional song and tonight it struck a very raw nerve.
Here are the lyrics with  my thoughts/feelings in parenthesis

Come out of sadness
From wherever you've been

(This is me... Afraid and hiding in sadness, sometimes too nervous to even THINK about hoping)

Come broken hearted
Let rescue begin

(very broken)

Come find your mercy
Oh sinner come kneel
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can't heal

(is this true? can heaven really heal this sorrow? earth side)

Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can't heal

So lay down your burdens
Lay down your shame

(I am full of burdens, and often shame)

All who are broken
Lift up our face

(So broken, all parts of me)

oh wander come home
You're not too far
So lay down your hurt

(am  I willing to lay down my hurt?)

Lay down your heart

(Can I lay down my heart?)

Come as you are

There's hope for the hopeless

(where is my hope?)

And all who have strayed
Come sit at the table
Come taste the grace
There's rest for the weary
Rest that endures
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can't cure


I love this song, but tonight my heart asked the question, How does a perfect, powerful God that can create something with a word from his mouth...relate to a woman who desperately wants to create a child but cannot?
He created me with:
the DESIRE to have children
the passion to raise children
the love of teaching children
the calling of nurturing children

and yet...
here I am.

I'm not asking this question disrespectfully, I know God is all knowing... so I'm sure there is a way for Him to know. But today (and lately in general) I feel like no one can relate to me, no one knows how I'm feeling, no one can say the right thing... I feel very much alone.
I know I'm not alone, but I feel desperately alone.


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