Our baby

Tonight at a few different times husband and I talked about Embers birth kinda just like it was a normal birth. Talked about our memories of it, talked about the feelings we had during, and how thankful we were for our midwife, doula, and my mom. 

It feels good to talk about our baby. Our birth story. To know there were people there trying to make it tolerable. 

One thing I do know from this experience. A woman's birth story is something she can be proud of even in such a dark, trying time. She might even want to talk about it sometimes, even though the memories can be sad/painful simply because she did it. And guess what. She did it with out the reward of a crying living baby to take home and snuggle. She did it because no one else could do it for her. She did it because she had to. Without drugs. Without a c-section. In a place that terrified her. With strangers. With fear and sadness. 

I did that... I sometimes forget/can't believe that I (Me, My self, My body) did all that.

 I know that God designed the female body just perfectly able to birth babies but to actually go through it is entirely different than knowing. 

I will never forget that relief... Even in such grief/heartache the relief was a rush of joy that I needed to get through the next phase of mourning. 

I did that... Crazy.