I keep having a flash back lately (probably because it happened almost exactly two years ago) days after I went through a stillbirth I was at Walmart with my mom and a lady stops me, of all people, and says "will you lift this for me, I'm newly pregnant and I shouldn't lift heavy things" I could have punched her... I had just given birth and shouldn't be lifting heavy things either, but of course she didn't know that. Luckily my mom was with me and I didn't even have to talk to that lady or look at her. I still have horrible feelings towards that woman...
Becoming such a fragile person, after being a somewhat tough person, is very hard to do. Sometimes I hate the person I've become. Sometimes I just hate the situation. Like when people have to go through my husband to figure out how to handle me (guess what stillbirth dads have emotions too). Or how people have to tip toe around me. Or how some people I just can't make myself even be fake friendly to... It's not fair. Not to me, not to the other people, not to my husband.
But what's the solution? Is there one?
Today two years ago, we said our final goodbyes to our baby girl. We had a lovely little service for her and many people came showing their love and support.
I can't believe it's been two years...
Big life things are happening in our life...things that are exciting but don't quite compare to what my life was like before and definitely no where near where I thought they would be.
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