Struggles

It's such a struggle trying to figure out where you fit in when your baby isn't with you, [most] everyone around you has kids, and it seems like you may never have a living child. 

It's hard when, your whole adult (16+) life you've wanted to be a midwife/doula/birth photographer/birth advocate and yet here you stand unable to even THINK about helping a woman through a live birth. 

It's crazy when you used to be the person that held a newborn any chance you got, and now it's been over two years since you've held a baby. 

It's frustrating when you have ALL of this experience with children from newborn all the way up to teens... All these great plans and dreams for "how your family will be" and yet your family consists of, no children.

People say "you'll have kids"

People say "You're young"

People say "there's time"

People say "it'll be ok"

People say...

I don't believe it, I mean I believe it will be ok, I'm already experiencing more and more "ok" as time goes on... But sometimes 2 years feels like an eternity. Sometimes it feels like you only get a few chances. Sometimes it feels like, nope.