Today

Baby brother found my phone today. Little sister said "ness! He has your phone!!" When I walked over to him he was looking at my lock screen (picture of Ember) saying "baby" then he brought the phone up to his lips and gently kissed the screen. Then he carried my phone around for a while looking at "the baby". 

It felt as if she was real to him and it made me happy. 

Later I was going to post a picture on Facebook of my latest sewing project but after seeing all the posts of all the different babies (not to discourage people from posting because I'm happy for those people that can and are posting pictures of their babies or call any certain person out cause there were lots of different people posting) I realized how lame a new craft was in comparison and how much more I'd rather be posting pictures of my baby too. 

I'm almost bitter at the "free time" I have to; learn to sew, do crafts, remodel a house, etc. because that's time that SHOULD (in a fair world) be spent on my brand new baby. 

But that's not what was supposed to happen in my life... My days are open, my arms are empty, my nights are sleepless and restless, and my heart is broken. 

I really am not trying to make anyone stop posting pictures of their baby, or make anyone "feel sorry for me" I'm just getting off my chest what I'm going through today.