I've been battling with a lot of things, one that I'd like to release and get out "on paper" is this: losing my daughter changed friendships. You've probably heard that losing a baby is so much more than losing a child. It's loosing dreams, plans, hopes etc. but what I've struggled with lately is it changed a lot of friendships... I think mostly because it changed me. But partially I think it's because some people don't know how or what to say (and rightfully so because I don't even know what I would want people to do or say).
Also Easter was this weekend, it should have been Ember's first instead I found myself taking pictures of a puppy (we recently got a puppy if you didn't know) and while often I'm happy with our puppy, on Easter I found myself resenting the fact that I was taking pictures of a puppy and not my baby's first Easter.
The last thing I want to vent is. Mother's Day is coming soon and guess what? I'm gonna come right out and say it.. I HATE the thought of what that day is gonna be like. I might punch someone in the face if they wish me a happy mothers day or I might punch someone if they totally ignore the fact that I had two babies. So perhaps i will delete my Facebook for the weekend, hide in my bed that Sunday and throw my phone off a cliff that way no one can offended me either way.
I cry every time I think about it and yet here it comes ready or not..and soon after that is the one year date... Ugh, emotions beware, I'm beginning to think this might be a lot harder than all the other milestones so far.
