I've been dealing with a lot of guilt and sadness about her lately, though trying to stay mostly positive for Emerson's sake. This means in 3 (ish) weeks I will be the furthest along in a pregnancy that I've ever been. That is terrifying.
I still haven't decided what to do to honor her this year. It's so hard balancing grief/joy/anticipation/Apprehension all at the same time.
I know these next few weeks and months are going to be just as hard on me as the first weeks were. Wondering what each day will hold for our little family.
Trying to look forward to holding a living baby is so hard when the last baby you held was your lifeless baby girl. Nothing is promised...
Corrie Ten Boom — 'Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.'
Truth.
Trying to remember any child I may ever have is not mine...
Trying to remember there is beauty in ashes...
Trying to remember my plans are not the best plans...
Trying.
