I feel like I'm living in a two faced state of being... I smile, I laugh, I live life... But something inside always aches. Some days more than others.
Today would be an achy breaky heart day.
Something can easily trigger me.. A photo, a thread online, a story, etc And I'm back to square one.
Here's the thing though, I don't even know if I will post this because, no I don't want to talk about it, and no I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I don't like being the person people have to tip toe around because you could hurt my feelings..
I really feel a sense of not belonging right now. I have babies but I don't have children... I should be a stay at home mommy. I should be teaching my 1 1/2 year old all the exciting things of life...
Life is not at all going how I expected it to.
It sucks. It's hard. It's not fair.
And yet this is where I am.
"Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain"
I hope some day I'll know why I'm in this "rain".
