Soul searching

I'm dealing with a lot of raw emotions again. I think, after soul searching, these emotions are coming from some hidden hope I had that "one year" would make a difference. And you know? It did in a lot of ways. I was able to nanny all summer which led to me being able to accept a full time job this school year (something I definitely didn't have strength for any sooner), I've made progress with being AROUND (still not holding) babies, and many other things. But these last few weeks I've started sliding back down hill at a fast pace. As I said before I think I've identified it to having high hopes of feeling better after a year... I guess it's going to take longer. 

Things aren't how I planned/hoped/dreamed they would be and you know, I don't think they ever will. I'm not saying that pessimistically I'm saying it realist-y. 

That realization doesn't help my (sometimes overwhelming) sadness. It just helps me realize I have a lot more work to do... Anger, disappointment, jealousy, bitterness, and sadness to work through. 

Add to all this, all the news of Christian persecution (nothing new I know but way more talked about lately), the continued battle for the end to murdering babies, and the sudden posts of suicide and depression... How does one find joy in such a dark and depressing world? 

Sometimes you don't feel like a city on a hill.