It's very strange some days, for me at least, to think "I had a baby (speaking of Ember since I felt her move, heard her heart multiple times, and held her little self in my arms)". A lot of the time honestly it feels like maybe a movie I watched or a really well written book I read that made me feel part of it... Or maybe a dream. I struggle with selfish things at times too. For example "it would be easier to not remember" because honestly, some days go by and (though I never forget about Ember) I don't dwell on the fact she's not here. Yes it's hard when people catch you off guard with hurtful comments or painful questions. Yes it's sometimes hard when I hear of babies her (supposed to be) age and what they're accomplishing. But a lot of days pass with out sad memories, but then days when I'm expected to remember I actually sit back and re-live moments... Emotions... Horrible feelings and I think "maybe I don't want to remember".
But I will continue to participate in things to remember her, so others don't forget, so awareness is raised, so that her little life is continued to be meaningful.
Perhaps there will come a Remembrance Day when I can think more about the positive memories... That's what I'll strive for.
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