The last time my body felt like this, I had no baby to give my milk. This time my body continues to amaze me as I provide nutrients to my baby.
The last time my body felt like this, sleep was my only relief. This time sleep is sparse but I don't even care.
The last time my body felt like this, I longed to hear a cry. This time my baby's cry is a continuous reminder, this baby is alive.
The last time my body felt like this, I felt betrayed by a broken body. This time I am thankful for the miracle that proves my body is just fine.
The last time my body felt like this, the mirror reflected defeat. This time the mirror reflects hope.
The last time my body felt like this the marks on my body reminded me of a battle fought with, mind, body, and soul. This time... Nothing's changed. 
(Tape residue and an IV stick wound)
(Tape residue and an IV stick wound)The last time my body felt like this I mourned because my baby died. This time I rejoice because my baby is alive.
We'll always miss you, Ember.
Vanessa, what precious thoughts! I hear the thankfulness and joy in your comments and I'm so glad for you to experience motherhood to the fullest degree! My prayer is that the sadness and emptiness of giving Ember back to the Lord will pale in comparison to the joy and abundance of having this new little guy in your life. Many blessings to you!!!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written! Love you and praying for you!
ReplyDeleteYour blog came to me at my darkest time I feel. I had to deliver my son at 17 weeks. This post right here has brought light to me. It made me cry tears of joy and tears of sadness because I feel so sad that anyone could actually go through something like this. But happiness because I AM SO HAPPY your arms are now full. God bless you and your beautiful son. I hope you continue to blog. I really does help.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that I just realized you commented. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I'm always sorry to hear of another mama in the same grief ocean so many of us are in. Although it's sad it's always good to feel not alone. There is hope! I'm sorry for you loss, sending you warm wishes <3
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